Tase Me, Bro

Posted on by Ron Shevlin

I’m hardly one to be on the leading edge of things. My favorite music is 35 years old. I heard someone mention the word “emo” the other day, and I assumed they were talking about Emo Phillips.

So it’s pretty amazing that I’m on the leading edge in that I not only know what Twitter is, and that I not only use Twitter, but that I’m among the first people on the planet to suffer from a new Twitter-related affliction called TASTE (Twitter Addiction Syndrome for the Technology Enabled).

Like cholesterol, there’s Good Taste and Bad Taste. Good Taste is very rare, and tends to be found only among us Twitterers over the age of 40. Afflicted Gen Yers pretty much all have Bad Taste. Gen Xers, many of whom are paranoid that they suffer from Bad Taste (not to mention from paranoias regarding government conspiracies), generally have no Taste at all.

How do you know if you have Bad Taste? Here are some of the warning signs:

  • You’ve downloaded Tweetr, Snitter, Twhirl, and two other Twitter client apps, to your desktop — and run all at the same time to see which performs betters and keeps you from missing any tweets from your Twitter peeps.
  • You say good morning and good night more often to your Twitter friends than to your spouse and/or children.
  • Putting milk in your coffee is tweet-worthy.
  • You spend 5 minutes editing a tweet to fit it into the 140-character limit.
  • You announce your new Twitter friends to your existing ones so they can welcome to the new Twit to the twitosphere.
  • You think there’s a single person on the planet who gives a rat’ s ass that you’re [at the airport/in a hotel/at Starbucks]. (Unless you’re one of my daughters, in which case I want to know where you are every freaking second of the day).

Because scientists believe that Bad Taste will become a widespread affliction among the Twitterati, I’m pleased to announce the formation of TASE (Twitter Affliction Support Environment). Simply tweet “Tase Me, Bro” to @tasemebro, and a trained team of Twitter-trained counselors will rush to your aid to help you come down off the ledge, and help you cope with your Twitter addiction.

Together, we can cure Bad Taste in our lifetimes. And remember, I’m not just the President of TASE — I’m also a patient.

(Personal note to my Twitter friends: Any resemblance of the behaviors described above to any of your behaviors is purely coincidental).

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13 thoughts on “Tase Me, Bro”

  1. Whoo boy, we can have a lot of fun with this one. Well, you touched on the “good morning/good night” statement already, the merits of which I debated with my girlfriend last night. Personally, I don’t think the twittersphere needs this level of detail.

    What I find funny are twitterers who correct their spelling in follow up tweets. I understand that tweets are typed rapidly on twitter clients, crackberries and iPhones, and that typos happen. I didn’t notice your typo until you tweeted the correction.

  2. I agree with Morriss. Twittering your spelling errors is definitely a symptom. What I want to know is how many of the symptoms does one have to have in order to have Bad Taste? Is it like the DSM IV – 2 or 3 will confirm the diagnosis? You can Twitter the answer.

  3. Tears now dot the hugely oversized collar of my pastel polyester shirt. Dang you, Shevlin!

  4. The fact that I’m Gen Y and have bad taste is precisely the reason I don’t twitter. Frankly I’m amazed anyone my age or older Twits… I’m 100% positive it’s as lame as it sounds… Same goes for Friendster, Facebook and MySpace while you’re at it…
    Read Jacques Ellul’s “Propaganda” and his analysis of man in the “lonely crowd.” He wrote about how Mass Media gives man a false sense of connection to others and involvement in the world, and by extension individual’s self-importance… If only he lived to write about the crap that’s going on on the web today…

  5. Please consider my candidacy for the TASE Steering Committee. I believe I made my case in a phone conversation yesterday, so further vetting should be unnecessary.

    (Yes, I’ve played with both Snitter and Twhirl, but I’m still a fan of pure, unadulterated Twitter.)

    By the way, I’m sure I spent more than 5 minutes editing this. And yes, I also twitter corrections to mistakes or omissions from previous tweets. I’m sick.

  7. Well said. Though we have the ability to instantly communicate everything – not everything is worth communicating. Quality over quantity.

  8. Ron,

    very funny, very true. I got to go now and take a picture of my cup of espresso and send it to TwitPic so everyone following me in Twitter can see it because it is so important!

  12. Right, quite frustrating to see all these “good night guys” coming from the West coast when you’ve just woken up on the old Continent.

    Would be more exciting to read “getting ready to go out of paradoxical sleep”, because you’d know then that there is more to come.

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