We Regret To Inform You

My CFO (Mrs. Shevlin) tells me that, while we are in no danger of going out of business, we need to do something to improve our bottom line. So, there are going to be some changes around here (this blog, that is).

Dear Valued Reader:

Due to blogging business conditions, we must institute some policy changes. The following changes are effective retroactive to January 1:

1) Blog reading fee. Lifetime free readership will no longer be available. Per the terms of our agreement — that the end of anybody’s lifetime allows us to revoke the offer — free readership of this blog will no longer be offered. (If you think this is unfair, ask the credit card companies about their universal default policies). Retroactive to January 1, you will be charged a $.25 fee for each blog post you read, whether you link directly to the site, view it in a reader, or are simply subscribed to it at the time it was posted.

2) Subscription reversal fee. Requests to unsubscribe from this blog will be assessed with a $25 premature disconnect service charge. At this time, subscription reversal requests cannot be taken online, as my eCommerce site is currently down for scheduled maintenance. Please mail your requests to the home office address, which can be found on my eCommerce site.

3) Inactive reader fee. For every week that goes by in which you do NOT read a blog post, you will be assessed a $.50 fee. For any month in which you do not read a single post, a $5 charge will be levied.

4) Comment reply charge. The good news is that commenting will continue to be free. However, there will be a charge for any comment that I reply to — $.25 per reply if I agree with what you said, and $1 per reply if I disagree.

5) Link rebate. For every link back to this blog that you provide, you will be credited with 1 point towards your Marketing Whims Loyalty Program account. For links that improve this site’s Technorati ranking, you will receive two points.

Thank you for your understanding and continued patronage. Your business is very important to us. Please note that the new policies only apply to employees of financial institutions. It’s my small form of revenge for the trouble and hassles you’ve put me through recently.


The Blogger

What impact will these changes have on the bottom line? I’m not really sure, but the experts tell me that if I ask you just ONE SIMPLE QUESTION, I’ll be able to predict the future growth of this blog. So here goes:

How likely are you to refer this blog to your family and friends (select ONE answer)?

___ 9 Very very likely

___ 10 Most definitely likely

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16 thoughts on “We Regret To Inform You

  1. And you didn’t even offered a surtaxed customer service phone number for people who would like to claim a wrong billing for their inactive readership. Something you can surely neither agree or disagree with.

  2. I think you may be onto something here. I was wondering how long it would take before somebody came out with a VALID business model for these weblogs.
    I mean we are all using the Internets so much…..

  3. If you can promise that you will display my personal and financial information for the world to see, I’m all for this new change.

  4. I would be LOL if only I did’nt recognize where your inspiration came from….but nevertheless thank you for ‘giving away everything for free’ until now ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. @Ginny: Yes! You get a $.25 credit for putting my site on your blogroll. But it just cost you $.25 to have me reply to you. So when my link goes up on your site, we’ll be even.

  6. Clearly this innovative and Value Based Management approach is well overdue, and will set new standards for all bloggers. When the NYSE opens tomorrow, expect fireworks.

    Also better open a few new telephone lines at the Shevlinator home, to deal with the calls from McKconsultsey to get you on board asap!

    Finally, 25c seems awfully reasonable …. I would have paid double.

  7. I’m giving you a 10, too. But I’m thinking that I should get a nickel of every reference. Come on! It’s a tough economy for all us bloggers! : )

  8. Ron –

    No problem … just subtract your fees from my “Technorati Rating Enhancement” fee, my newly announced “Blog Link Interchange” fee … and the “CU Communicator Click Through Surcharge.”

    That should leave me about $50 short … would you like a check, or wire transfer? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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